Democrats' Agenda

It will be interesting to see how the Dems come out of the gates. There are a lot of issues where I think they could really score some big points with the general electorate if they will moderate the impulses of their more liberal constituencies.

One thing I've seen floated is their idea to reform the Alternative Minimum Tax. I think that would be smart because it would immediately provide counter-evidence to the portrayal as Dems being the tax and spend party. It doesn't dovetail much with their schtick about the Republicans giving tax breaks only to the wealthy (the reform of the AMT would mostly help families with over $75k in income) but it's good policy and, I think, shrewd politics since they could then follow it up with their more typical sock-it-to-the-rich, give-tax-credits-to-people-not-paying-taxes ideas.

Bad Election for Republicans

If one were to make a list of all of the things a political party would hate to have happen, losing control of both houses of Congress in the same election would have to be pretty high on that list. I found this one story, though, that I think perfectly encapsulates just how craptacular the country felt about the GOP headed into polls:

Dead Democrat Beats Live Republican in South Dakota

The woman died two *months* ago. In South Dakota where bush beat Kerry by 21 points just two years ago. Oy gevalt!

So now the Republicans will reap what they have sown so assiduously for at least the last six years. But what's going on in the Democratic camp? *That* will be interesting to follow. One non-time-related reason I haven't blogged as much on politics as I had planned is my level of disgust with the GOP's pork-ridden, base-pandering tactics and the idea that the only thing that might disgust me more would be what the Dems would do if they actually had the keys to the kingdom. Well. In the aftermath of the election there has been a *lot* of talk on the right about getting back to basics: small government, responsible spending--all that stuff. If the Dems overreach like I bet they will and the Republicans actually work as an effective minority, *that* will be something to see.

Anyhoo, one other thing that will be interesting to watch will be how the Democrats work their new majority. The crazier lefty bloggers and constituencies (i.e. Kos, MyDD) will be hammering the leadership to serve up big, super liberal legislation feeling like they've deserved it. I think this will be a problem, though, because a lot of the Dems that won were of the old, blue dog variety. These aren't Pelosi or Kennedy-style Dems. Just check out this bit about the victory rally Jim Webb had in Virginia:

He started off by mentioning that "tomorrow is an extremely important day for America," and the crowd went wild, thinking he was talking about taking power. But of course, he launched into his praise of the Marine Corps, and the crowd cheered a little less loudly. Then he thanked all the brave veterans and brave men still fighting, and the crowd cheered a little less loudly again.

Then he mentioned that he received a call from Sen. Allen, and the crowd went nuts again. Then he mentioned how pleasant and dignified Allen was, and the crowd grew quiet. Then he said he was having lunch next week with Allen — and the crowd was dead silent. Finally he told the audience that they should all thank Sen./Gov. Allen for his many years of dedicated service to the people of Virginia — and you could almost hear the people gathered looking at each other asking, "What the $#@! did we just do?"

ht: The Corner.

Good times ahead for political junkies, I think. And with a divided government, maybe they'll stop spending our money like Michael Moore in a specialty doughnut shop.

Blah, Blah, Blah

Ok. So I haven't posted since Methuselah was in diapers. It's not like I get paid to do this.

I actually have something like 15 posts that I typed up when I was on my trip to Colorado a month and a half ago. All I have to do is copy and paste them and voila! But no. They're on a different computer that is seldom connected to the Glorious Interweb and when I think of it the time is usually late the the head is usually groggy.

But I'm back at least for a couple of posts. A couple of funny things, a couple of political things and then I'm off to my Godson's birthday party.

Sorry 'bout that

I know, I know. I haven't posted in a long time and then ~BAM!~, straight into a tongue-in-cheek tirade making fun of the moonbats over at the Democratic Underground (ht: Ace) and other fringy sites but given their perma-paranoia about our Red Sea Pedestrian friends, I can't believe the fever swamp has yet to belch out anything along these lines.

Funny stuff to follow, though not this afternoon since it is now time to work.

So Obvious It Hurts

I think many right-minded people are overlooking the obvious in regards to this "terror plot" story and, quite frankly, I'm rather surprised we haven't seen this no-brainer point made by one of the stronger intellects in the lefty blogosphere.

Let's review some recent history:

(1) On July 12th, Hezbollah kidnaps Jewish soldiers. Israel responds as a typical war-mongering country would.

(2) Much of the West either overtly supports the Jew incursion of Lebanon for weeks.

(3) A US/French Security Council resolution is drafted for a final solution that is heavily slanted in favor of the Zionist Entity.

(4) Within recent days that resolution has become endangered as various peace-loving states have prevailed upon the French to not be duped into being the lapdogs of the criminal Bu$h as has been poodle Blair.

(5) All of a sudden, after a "months-long" investigation, the British decide that today is the day to announce they have thwarted a major "terrorist" attack against the West.

Now think about it. Are the stupid sheeple of the US and Europe more or less likely to support continued Israeli aggression now that this "plot" has been "uncovered"?

Let me spell it out for you, folks. British-born Muslims of Pakistani descent, my ass. It's those Goddamned, perfidious, blood sucking J-E-W-S.

Self-Driving Car

Check out this prototype for a new "robot car" by Volkswagen. It can manage itself (i.e. with no driver) around a track by using crash-avoidance technology in addition to satellite navigation technology. Neat stuff.

Wicked Cool Pic

Tornado on a rainbow.

Joe, Mucking Up the Works

It's official. If Joe Liberman loses in his primary against Ned Lamont, he'll run as an independent in the Senate race this fall. That would really throw a wrench into things for the Democrats and their chances to retake the chamber this fall. Go Joe!

Amazing Video

Stevie Starr, a self-proclaimed professional regurgitator swallows some crazy stuff and then brings it back up. He does some amazing stuff. I think the billiard ball is the most impressive.

Slightly Changed Format

So I got tired of writing 30-word posts and having them take up half the page. I fooled around with some of the settings to display more text. Unfortunately, I had to lose the eye-pleasing curvature of the various borders because they were fixed for the smaller dimensions but I figure y'all probably don't care. And if you do...well, you get what you pay for.

And So It Begins

Senator Biden's announced he's running for President in 2008.

Way back this blog was going to have a strong focus on politics and the back and forth between me and Mike Gaffney. Not that I think we'll *really* get that going full time but I figured, what the hey? Put the email I just sent him on the web and have him reply here. I mean, he has to type a response regardless, right? So here's what I wrote, in re: Biden's announcement:

What do you think about him? He strkes me as one of the Dems I would be least unhappy about having elected. For me it's still all about national security, judges and fiscal issues. He seems pretty solid on security, there isn't a Dem in the party I'd like on judges (well, maybe Zell Miller but you know what I mean) and right now I'm so disgusted with Republican spending that as long as Biden even paid lip service to the idea of fiscal restraint, I wouldn't be all that jammed up were I to hear him take the oath of office.

Who are your early favorites? And how do you think they'll run?

JMS

P.S. If I were you I'd try to find someone to like John Kerry's hair on fire. He won't run with a singed coiffure and if he *does* run again I can't see how that would be good for the party.

Stay tuned for his incisive analysis (though it might be a while since he's busy hanging out in Europe doing his thing.)

More MySpace Stupidity

14 year-old girl finds boyfriend on internet. Boyfriend turns out to be an asshat. 14 yo sues MySpace because it "is more concerned about making money than protecting children online." Uhhhh, yeah.

Because it's the web site's responsibility to protect its users from each other.

Right.

I Love Australia

And so does Charles Krauthammer. His reasons are outlined here. You have to love a country where a Member of Pariament can, in regards to the Minister of Health, say,

I move that that sniveling grub over there be not further heard

and then, in response to a demand for an apology, says,

If I have offended grubs, I withdraw unconditionally.

Spicy meat-a-balls, those Shileas.

FSM Rejoices

News comes that one of Darwin's Tortoises has died. Finally, the doctrine of the Flying Spaghetti Monster shall be ascendent!

Interesting Take on Darfur

The president of the Sudan is apparently nonplussed by some of the things the United States has been trying to do in order to curtail the genocide (how obscene is it that we have to "try to curtail" a genocide? How much more obscene is it that most of the rest of the world community opposed what little we've proposed?)

Anyway, back to Mr. al-Bashir. As I mentioned, he's not happy about what little intervention there has already been. And you know whose fault it is? Of course. The Jews! Quoth el Presidente:

If we return to the last demonstrations in the United States, and the groups that organized the demonstrations, we find that they are all Jewish organizations.

Goddamned Red Sea Pedestrians--not even letting him get away with a little genocide! Surely, Allah quivers with rage.

Next Up!

A little more on the dead (or soon-to-be) department: a new leader of al-Qaeda in Iraq is announced. True, it might be a decoy but really the worst-case scenario is that if we get this guy we'll have killed a terrorist who isn't *the* terrorist. I can live with that.

Here's a little something by James Lileks wherein he channels the thought process of this new "insurgent" leader addressing his underlings. Sample musing:

"Making a whistling sound with a descending pitch in my presence was funny the first time. We all had a good laugh. It is hereby forbidden."

Bombs away.

No Love for Joe

Joe Lieberman is a common target of the left due to the fact that he's not a staunch Anti-Iraq partisan. A mistake, I think, for the firebreathers but certainly their right.

What is more interesting is that Al Gore, the man who chose Lieberman as his Vice Presidential running mate in 2000, will not endorse him in his reelection campaign this year. As Jonah Goldberg pointed out, it's interesting that

Lierberman would have been good enough to run the government if something bad happened to Gore. But he's not obviously the best qualified to be the junior senator from Connecticut, even though he had the same job when Gore tapped him in 2000.

Al--after all of the "accommodating" Joe did for you to help you out with the ticket, you can't even endorse him in the Democratic primary next time 'round? That's cold man, just cold.

Future NY Times Scoops

James Lileks has posted what he envisions will be a number of Pulitzer-worthy articles we might soon find coming from the New York Times, divulgers of the NSA and SWIFT intelligence programs. For some reason, I really like the twist at the end.

Is This Supposed to Be Ironic?

I have a sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is missing something.

Syria, Living Dangerously

After it became apparent that a Hamas leader living in Syria ordered the operation into Israel, Israel responded, in part, by flying a couple of their F-15s directly over the summer house of Syrian President Bashar Assad while His Excellency was in residence. You might surmise that the President of Syria does not live in Israel and therefore the fact that Israeli fighters buzzed his house is a rather newsworthy topic.

Turns out it did, indeed, irk the Syrians, so much that their PM came out to say that "Syria is capable of defending itself if it's exposed to any aggression."

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, right. You can't keep the Israelis from flying over your President's house when he's at home but you can defend yourselves from "any aggression." Good luck with that. Or not, actually.

Speaking of Stupid

The Palestinians sneak across the border with Israel, stage a small attack and kidnap an Israeli soldier. Then, while the Israelis amass their army on the border, the Palestinians claim to have fired a chemical weapon into Israel.

A couple of notes to the higher-ups in the Palestinian government:

(1) If you had successfully fired what anyone outside of your little clique considered to be a chemical weapon, you would most likely not have needed to advertise it.

(2) Let's say though, for the sake of argument, that you did launch a chemical weapon into Israel and they're not doing anything about it. Other than making the entire Western World think, "Oh, well, I suppose that radioactive crater the Gaza Strip has just become really couldn't be avoided after all", what would such a claim hope to accomplish? Get a little street cred with your international neighbors? Hell, at this point even Hosni Mubarak is telling Syria to give up the Hamas honchos lest y'all get bombed into the stone age.

When you've lost Hosni in public, my friends, you should think twice before going all in.

The Russians, Not So Nice

It's one thing for them to kidnap, mutilate and booby trap American soldiers. We're a very self-restrained nation when it comes to retaliation for this sort of thing. Not so the Russians. You've screwed with the wrong government, Ahmed. And I kind of hope the modern-day Spetznaz comes in and cleans your clock in a way the Americans won't.

Stout Livers

"Beer" is synonymous with "Germany." They are the ones who, in 1516, saw the wisdom in having a Reinheitsgebot or Beer Purity Law to ensure the quality of our favorite malted beverage. They are known for a host of delicious beers. From Bocks to Lagers to the venerable steins, the culture of beer is suffused with Germanic overtones. But even the Huns tremble before the awesome power of the Saxon livers. For you see, my friends, British vacationers in Germany for the World Cup are "drinking Germany dry."

In a first hand account, barkeep Herrmann Murr said

Never have I seen so many drink so much in such little time.

Noted a spokesman for a German brewery,

It is incredible how much is being drunk but the hardest thing for the breweries is keeping up with the thirst of the English.

I suppose it's a mighty good thing the Irish didn't qualify for the Cup this time 'round.

This, of course, must be completely unrelated.

Check This Out

The Professional Regurgitator. Very cool.

More Bad Men Dead

pwn3d!

w00t!

Maybe if they're lucky Uncle Osama will praise them as "lions of jihad."

I'm happy to have as many lions as y'all can stand sending out. So long as you're dead like . Just like Uncle Abu.

New Warning Sign.

ht: Programmer Owen via this site

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi--Dead

I haven't been so happy upon hearing the morning news in a long time.

Some notes from around the web:

If you'd like to see the actual smiting, check out the Reuters video.

I'm not sure just how long after the bombing this came through the wire, but Iowahawk has a communication from Abu saying afterlife isn't quite everything it's cracked up to be. It starts

Howzit swingin', fagsicles? Yeah, I know all you bitzoches all seen the pictures by now. Go on and laugh it up chump, like your drivers license photo is all George fuckin' Clooney. Personally I think I'm lookin' straight GQ, seeing as I just got a 500-pound laser guided curb stomp. Shit cuz, y'all should see Kahlid, a.k.a. "Ceiling Spackle." But, hey, whateva. You kuffar haters can finally step off my nuts, 'cause I. am. outtahere. Y'all can just suck it, 'cause Zarkman got his free pass to Allah's celestial Disneyland.

It reminded me of this bit on the 9/11 hijackers. Enjoy each others' company, boys!

Care for a triumphalist headline? Me too! Here you go.

Andy McCarthy over at National Review says this is a very big deal and that he hopes it strengthens the resolve of some of the doubters. I hope so too.

Of course, you have that part of the Democratic party that dismisses this as a stunt. But don't you dare question their patriotism! To be clear, this is not the general Dem reaction. It *would* be nice, though, if people like Nanci Pelosi and Harry Reid could just come out and give a strong "WOO HOO!" without the seemingly obligatory "but..." God forbid something *good* actually be attributable to the Demonspawn Bush, though. Whatever. They're not going to ruin the party today!

Hmmmmmm. You know what I need after that? A little bald-faced, unapologetic pro-Americanism. And never let it be said I've forgotten our faithful Coalition Allies!





Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That's the ticket. Sorry your country pic is so small, Aussies, but I spent some time trying to find something bigger and better and couldn't.

We must also not forget, that according to al-Qaeda,

"The death of our leaders is life for us."

May I be the first one to wish them much, much more 'life' in the near future. Jim Geraghty at TKS thinks they should add an addendum. It would say

"Except for the leaders among us, who are dead."

Heh.

Finally, in related news, Al Qaeda's #2 just released a videotape praising Abu for all of his good work. Sorry, Zawa, you're a little late. If you didn't have to be hide a two-week's mule journey from civilization to keep yourself safe maybe he could have gotten your sweet words of support before he suffled off this mortal coil. Better luck next time. And I'd recommend moving a little deeper into the cave for the time being.

UPDATE: Debka has an account of how the US got the intelligence that finally let us put this troglodyte 6-feet under. Debka is not a source I'd rely on for important stuff but worst case here is that they're wrong. Abu is still dead either way!

Times UK Sticking up for USA

The Times Online has a nice editorial that leads with the observation that

Terrorism, not America, is a real and present threat to our freedoms.

It goes on to talk about Al-Haditha and a little about the current strains of anti-Americanism and some of the more historical ones. To wit:

America-bashing is in fashion as it has not been since Ronald Reagan accurately described the Soviet Union as an “evil empire”. Anti-Americanism is not confined to the usual radical chic suspects of the Left; in Britain, it infects the High Tory Establishment, “good Europeans” and little Eng-landers alike. So why are we all anti-Americans now?

American stumbling on the rough road since 2001 has played some part. Yet had there, inconceivably, been no wrong steps, had America been positively obsequious in courting international support (and it has done more on that score than its critics admit), anti-Americanism would still be on the rise. The US is never less popular than when it is aroused and determined in defence of democratic freedoms, never less trusted than when the world is most reliant on its unmatched ability to project power.

It continues on talking about the nature of Democracies in war and then, after noting the "smugness" with which Europeans address us that

[Europeans] overlook [our] penchant for agonised self-criticism; everything bad [they] know about the US, [they] know because Americans inexhaustibly rehearse [our] society’s shortcomings.

I think it's good that they said it and that it was well-said. It is true we're far from perfect but we acknowledge that. In the meantime, at least we're *trying* to do something that requires more than passing strongly-worded resolutions.

Dems Court World Cup Hispanics

This sounds like a really good idea. Dems will be airing Spanish-language commercials during World Cup programming encouraging them to be engaged in the political process. *That* is smart. Very smart. Good on them.

Saved from An Asshat

Good news! Governor Bob Riley of Alabama defeated Judge Roy Moore of 10 Commandments fame. Roll Tide!

Greenpeace Blunder

Oh, how rich. I can't imagine a more perfect, deliciously self-destructive press release. Greenpeace opposes nuclear energy and hates George Bush to boot. In advance of a Bush visit pushing nuke power, GP sent out a press release to try to blunt the effect Bush's visit could have. The contents of the press release as reported in the Philadelphia Inquirer:

"This volatile and dangerous source of energy" is no answer to the country's energy needs, shouted a Greenpeace fact sheet decrying the "threat" posed by the Limerick reactors Bush visited.

But a factoid or two later, the Greenpeace authors were stumped while searching for the ideal menacing metaphor.

We present it here exactly as it was written, capital letters and all: "In the twenty years since the Chernobyl tragedy, the world's worst nuclear accident, there have been nearly [FILL IN ALARMIST AND ARMAGEDDONIST FACTOID HERE]."

Brilliant! Couldn't have asked for more!

Asked for comment about this blunder, GP's spokesman said it was a colleague making a joke but that "Given the seriousness of the issue at hand, I don't even think it's funny."

I couldn't disagree more.

Pruden on Priviledge of House Members

Wesley Pruden is the editor of the conservative Washington Times. In this editorial he reaches out to praise Barney Frank, a liberal from Massachusetts. Frank took issue with the bipartisan outrage leaders showed at the FBI's search of Representative William Jefferson's congressional offices in connection with charges of bribery. Franks said:

What we now have is a congressional leadership, the Republican part of which has said it is OK for law enforcement to engage in warrantless searches of the average citizen, now objecting when a search, pursuant to a validly issued warrant, is conducted of a member of Congress. I understand that the speech-and-debate clause is in the Constitution. It is there because Queen Elizabeth I and King James I were disrespectful of Parliament. It ought to be, in my judgment, construed narrowly. It should not be in any way interpreted as meaning that we as members of Congress have legal protections superior to those of the average citizen.

So I think it was a grave error to have criticized the FBI. I think what they did, they ought to be able to do in every case where they can get a warrant from a judge. I think, in particular, for the leadership of this House, which has stood idly by while this administration has ignored the rights of citizens, to then say we have special rights as members of Congress is wholly inappropriate.

To which Pruden Added:

You don't have to appreciate Barney Frank's politics, or even agree with his needling of the administration for its pushing against constitutional protections of civil rights in the pursuit of terrorists, to applaud this reminder that election to public office is not a pass to do whatever you please.

Amen to that, gentlemen.

"Even a Loss Will Be a Win"

I have to wonder about the Democrats' perspective that even by losing the by-election for the House seat vacated by disgraced (and incarcerated) Republican Randy Cunningham, they're still "winning." They believe they just have to come close enough. Just put on a good show since this is a very blue district and Francine Busby (the Dems' candidate) is running a very red campaign.

I'm not sure they're particularly *wrong*, really. I mean, it does seem to make some sense that if you even make it a close race when you're used to being completely demolished, it might point to possibilities in districts where the races are usually much closer.

The problem is, though, they said the same exact thing about Paul Hackett in Ohio. The Kossacks have a pretty poor record overall (all 15 people they supported in 2004 lost) and their response is pretty consistently, "but we could have lost by *more* and *didn't*!" Well, ok. But you still, uhhhhh, lost.

I personally think Kos is going to end up hurting the Democrats a lot more than helping them by pulling them too far to the left. The Democrats are not losing races because too many Green votes are going for the Republican or staying home. They're losing because they have no coherent message and are perceived as weak on national security and counter-terrorism. They may get lucky with the Republicans seeming inability to go a day without shooting themselves in the foot but I think it would behoove the party elders to spend a little more time actually winning by honestly analyzing why they're losing rather than patting themselves on the back because they keep getting so damned close.

Schadenfreude Alert

A story about the inexorable decline of Jacques Chirac (aka "le ver".)

Great Interview w/ Earl Woods

Earl Woods, father of Tiger, just recently passed away. ESPN got an interview with Mr. Woods a little while ago and it's a very interesting account of who he was and a little of what makes Tiger Tiger. Even if you're not into golf, check this out.It's very well done.

Go Get 'em Boys

The USS Cole Redeploys to Middle East.

Worm-inspired Robot

Creepy (w/ pic.) A team of European scientists are developing a robot that can carry a light and camera through a human being and they're basing their model on the paddle worm.

The article makes it sound like a really good idea but just the picture is kind of unsettling. The idea of a little robot running around in my alimentary canal somewhere...not a good one. I will *not* be assimilated.

Innovative Law Enforcement

The cops in West Palm Beach are getting a little innovative in ways to enforce traffic law. In this article they have a (rather large) cop, code named "Officer Delicious" dressed in drag at a street corner just waiting to hand out tickets. I suppose the thinking is people see a drag queen and don't say "Hey, I have to watch out for that cop!"

The article says they've been using this sort of urban camouflage for at least the past few months, also having cops pose as a utility pole worker, a surveyor, a construction worker and an "eccentric homeless man." I have to tell you, I like their style.

Hair Travesties

Amazingly bad hair. And this from a guy who has none. On his head.

Great, great U2 video

The other day Kate forwarded me a great video of U2 singing "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses" at the Target Center in Minneapolis last year. If you like The Boys, check it out 'cause you'll love this.

Excellent Immigration Plan

Quotation from Kinky Friedman, candidate for Governor of Texas:

"I suggested over a year ago the 'five Mexican generals' plan. ... We divide the border into five sections and we appoint a Mexican general in charge of each section, and we give him a million bucks, which we hold for him in a bank account. And every time we catch an illegal coming through his section, we withdraw $5,000."

Now *that* is thinking outside the box. Viva el Kinky!

ht: NRO

Holy Paratroopers, Batman

If Jane's is right, paratroopers will soon be able to fly 200 miles after jumping out of a plane with these new fancy schmancy wing systems. *That* is cool.

"Greenhouse Gas Breeds Venemous Vines"

Here's an article that says when poison ivy was exposed to higher levels of carbon dioxide over the course of a six-year experiment, it grew twice as quickly as it normally does.

Ok. Twice as fast is pretty fast but being surprised that it grows more quickly? When you give it more of the stuff it metabolizes to grow? This strikes me as about as earth-shattering as "When exposed to twice as much free beer, the Nest tends to drink about twice as much."

In other words, "Duh."

Armstrong "Exonerated"

I put "exonerated" in quotation marks because I've seen comments elsewhere saying that while the Dutch investigation roundly castigates the entire manner in which the charges were leveled and tests done, these facts don't mean further tests would prove Lance is innocent. On the other hand, since there wasn't any other evidence that he's done anything wrong in the first place, this is good enough for me (like that matters.)

The article is here

A Little Farky Goodness

Something to start off the evening from Fark.com:

Man who jumps into lions cage screaming that god will protect him becomes Dinner

Kennedy released from rehab, looking forward to getting back to drinking. I mean work. Getting back to work

Flasher accosts newspaper deliverywoman in Virginia. She notes he seemed proud of his junk, but shouldn't be. “It was very warm; you’d think by looking at him it was cold out,” she says

Some Amusing Quotations

Via Fark, here's a link to a site with some amusing things to say. A bunch of the standard "good ones" but some were new to me. A sampling:

"The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?"

"It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell."

"Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

Heh.

How I Love YouTube

What a great website, eh? Here's a Robin Williams video about the origin of golf. Warning: Robin Williams language is used pretty heavily throughout.

A Couple from Carol

Carol the Tertulian Tormenter sent me a couple of links that are Farkworthy, so I thought I'd pass them along:

We haven't had a severed penis story in a while, so how about one where a man, in an attempt to prove his fidelity to his wife, did the deed to himself. Retard.

I haven't blogged at all on Barbaro, the horse that won the Derby and then broke its leg in the Preakness. Lots of distraught fans over it. And apparently a lot of fans who really like Barbaro a little too much. The following link goes to letters Barbaro is "writing back" to his legions of rather more earnest (i.e. lunatic) fans. Sample graf:

The leg's coming along fine, thanks, though not without setbacks. According to my trainers, I've lately been "spirited" and "feisty." I suppose this is true, but I don't really know what any of those words mean. Horses are generally clueless, irrational creatures. That's not a knock on us so much as a biological fact. Last week, for instance, a gentleman sent a letter saying all these nice things like "Great job at the Kentucky Derby, Barbaro!" And I was like, "The Kentucky what?" My handlers had to explain that he was referring to an episode a few weeks ago when I ran really hard with that yelling man on my back.

The link, she is right here.

A Little Evening Humor

Some jokes forwarded to me from Leo:

Q: What do attorneys use for birth control?
A: Their personalities

Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace will do that to you

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A: A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Q: Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A: A different bar

Funny Column

The author Mike Adams over at the conservative Townhall.com has a pretty funny column about his experiences reading "The DaVinci Code." It starts like this:

I used to think The Koran was the best book to read in the airport, simply because carrying it guarantees you’ll never get searched by airport security. Later, I decided that The Book of Mormon was better because it guarantees the person sitting next to you will never start a conversation during the flight. Now, I’ve decided – once and for all, I think – that The Da Vinci Code has both of them topped.

Click here to read the rest.

Good Youtube Videos

Here are a couple of pretty good videos over at youtube.com.

Video One: The Emperor Palpatine learns of the demise of the Death Star. One line:

"Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry, I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small, thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide.

Video Two: Fantastic commercial for a cell phone with the Crime Deterrent option.

Hitch on Memorial Day

Christopher Hitchens wrote a powerful column about Memorial Day this week. I suggest you give it a read.

I Told You So

For those of you who ever IM me, you know I have long taken the Global Marmot Menace very seriously. It seems the end days are near.

For Geeks Only

If you happen to follow the Fed at all, you'll remember that legendary chairman Alan Greenspan was replaced earlier this year by Ben Bernanke. If you followed the replacement process at all you might remember it was rumored that R. Glenn Hubbard, Dean of the Columbia Business School, was also in the running.

Well. Someone in the business community has a sense of humor and put together a brilliant video to the tune of "Every Breath You Take" detailing Hubbard's disappointment at being passed over. Funny. As. Hell. If you're into this sort of thing.

Go Scotticus!

Good friend and Assistant Fire Marshall Scotticus was in the Burlington Free Press recently. Yes, he looks a little smudged and tired but it gives him that tough guy look that is much harder to pull off when you're pushing around a mop. He even gives good advice!

So, Jay--when are we gonna see *your* mug in the Freeps? Aside from the police blotter?

FSM in MySpace

Myspace.com, home of many stupid people who like to publicize their intent to break the law has now earned a new legitimacy in my book. Behold:
The Flying Spaghetti Monster goes Myspace.

'Begging to be Quoted'

"I said, 'Karl, Ted Kennedy gave a passionate speech on the Senate floor in support of President Bush's position. If you get in bed with Ted Kennedy, you're going to get more than a good night's sleep,'"—Rep. Ric Keller (R., Fla.), Roll Call, May 18, 2006

ht: The Corner

Trouble in Ol' Blighty

A local government in (where else) England fired their "tea lady" who had previously pushed a cart around, bringing tea to employees' desks. Apparently, her termination has had terrible consequenses. In one month they've had incidents of a broken wrist and a scalded hand at the hands of what must be a murderously devious caraffe. Best quotation from one of the blighted:

"I would have thought it's obvious what the risks of carrying tea are."

Indeed, my good woman! What raving madman would consign people to carrying their own tea? IT'S ALL THATCHER'S FAULT!

Some Stuff from Fark

Some great stuff that's been around a bit from Fark:

Homeless man teases street performer dressed as Freddy Krueger. Like most people, he probably thought those claws were plastic replicas, but since you are seeing this on Fark you can safely assume they're real and sharp

Today's installment of WTF? School omits words "In God we trust" from coin picture on yearbook. Gives students stickers with words if they want to replace them

Three words that you won't see in the same article again; sexy toad smell

China building "billion-strong army of larvae-eating bees"

The Religion of We're still waiting for our Messiah gives $11 million in humanitarian aid to Palestinians. Iran shuts eyes and plugs ears, hums loudly

A MELBOURNE man was jailed today for setting alight an acquaintance who woke him up to sell him a stolen kitchen.

Double Plus Ungood

Did you hear about the time that Representative William Jefferson (D-LA) was vidoetaped accepting a $100,000 bribe shortly after chuckling about the written codes he was using to communicate with the bribers "as if the FBI [were] watching"? He should have taken that possibility a little more seriously.

God Forbid

Though I'm not generally in the line if wishing people ill, I will make a slight exception in the case of this Caribbean despot. I'm not wishing *death* upon him per se, just a not-particularly-extended life. The people of Cuba don't deserve another 60 years of tyrrany.

PACMAN!

Haven't played this in ages. Can't play now b/c I'm at work but thought it would be cruel to withhold it from y'all if you're not so occupied.

Quote of the Day 05-19-2006

"Dishonesty," whether intellectual or otherwise, is always a very grave charge. But abusiveness conducted in error, founded upon ignorance, originating in laziness - what is that?

-- David Frum in his blog.

An Evening with Fark

Pulled straight from Fark.com:

First "sex theme park" set to open in London. Sadly, still no plans for an all-day ride pass

Mary had a small raccoon, it scrambled up a pylon, 10,000 volts went up its arse, and turned its fur to nylon

New Zealand man who had leg amputated because of diabetes tries to sell it online to raise money after his daughter also contracts diabetes

Nothing says "I wasn't quite ready to leave the mental hosptial yet" like a bloody butcher knife and a dead armadillo

Bill Clinton to write new book about presidency. Suggested title of "Sex Between The Bushes" likely rejected

Illegal immigrant getting deported after stealing sign from anti-immigrant protester

New study finds New York subway cars are dirtier than a Calcutta public toilet

Planned nudist resort clears first hurdle. You'd think guys who enjoy being naked all the time would avoid hurdles

Industrial odors that cause mass vomiting and a bunch of evacuations are usually funny. This is one of those times

Minor-league team to give away lukewarm coffee at "Frivolous Lawsuit Night"

November 2006

As y'all know I haven't been blogging much, let alone doing the political stuff I originally intended but here's something about the '06 elections. Well, a nibble at least. Where I let another writer do all of the work.

A gent by the name of Chris Stirewalt (I don't know his politics but he seems to consider himself a moderate or conservative because he calls liberals "they") brings up the unoriginal but not uninsightful thought that the Republicans are in a lot of trouble but the Democrats aren't particularly well positioned to do anything about it.

There are a million things that go into this but here are a couple:

(1) "All politics is local." Especially in the House races, as much as the people might think the Republicans are jerks, they're less likely to think their *particular* Republican is a jerk.

(2) "You don't like everything the Republicans stand for. Vote for the alternative!" Except, of course, in terms of voting for policies there isn't an alternative. What I mean by this is that the Democrats have no unified message. They don't stand for a damned thing. Getting back to point #1 that might not matter a whole lot in an individual race if a particular Dem has a particularly strong message. Remember, though, that one Dem in one district isn't going to be able to create the tidal wave reminiscint of 1994 that so many on the left are hoping to see.

I think there are two things that contribute to point #2. First, the hard left (e.g. Daily Kossacks) are somewhat delusional. Here's a good quotation from Stirewalt's column:

"The Republican Fausts may be powerful enough to launch an illegal war for oil and listen to every American's telephone calls, but the liberals didn't think the GOP would have a plan to overcome the awesome electoral appeal of le Senateur Kerry."

The Splenetic Left is just so pissed off that Bush is in the White House that they're unable to do anything productive. They can't see why the Republicans have been winning because they convince themselves that it's purely through the machinations of a neocon cabal and a vast swath of the electorate that's too dumb to know better than to vote for the elephants. It's hard to come up with a convincing plan to defeat the other team if you're not even able to grasp what it is that makes the other team successful.

Whatever happens, both parties deserve what they get. And if the Dems come up short again in spite of the fact that "the president's approval ratings are somewhere below that of a ham loaf at a bar mitzvah" and that Congressional Republicans are so seemingly incompetent and fractured, I say...well...I don't know what I say. Other than "Oy gevalt." And "pass me another beer and some chicken lips, please."

Shut Up, Pat

Here we go again. Pat Robertson and his doommongering. This time it's the
Tsunami of Terror that the Good Lord is going to rein upon us. Unlike his previous bouts of verbal incontinence, this time the good "reverend" didn't specify a specific sin of the American people to which we can attribute the providential ass whooping. Of course, given that we're all a bunch of fornicating, high-living idolators we shouldn't be surprised.

The Great Gator Menace

Apparently it isn't just the watch gator you need to be careful of. As Matt Yglesias notes, if this trend continues apace, we're all gonna be in an awful lot of trouble.

Props to the Commies

Sure, sure, Communism is awful in all its forms. You have to hand it to them, though, boy can they build a dam.

Excuse Me?

Headline on CNN:
"Mexico threatens lawsuits over Guard".

Mexico? Is going to sue the United States? For using United States Soldiers to protect the United States' border? Am I missing something?

I'm not saying using the Guard like this is a good idea. My gut tells me it's not (at least not as it's probably going to be implemented) but what in the hell does the Mexican government think it's doing? It's already undermining us by issuing "matricula consular" cards, producing and distributing the "Guide for the Mexican Migrant" with tips about how to sneak across the border and what do to if you get caught, and trying to subvert the process of evicting those few illegals we *do* detain.

I'd like to see W call up Vincente and give him a real "WTF? Cut this shit out or we actually try enforcing our immigration laws and you'll lose the tens of billions of dollars you get from your citizens sending their paychecks back home" kind of deal. If he were feeling especially saucy, he could end it with an exclamatory "Monkey", though given how he himself looks a little like a chimp that might be unwise.

More Cowbell!

"I've got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell."

Brilliant!

Scientists: "New Danger Ahead"

On top of the increasing volcanic activity, global warming and large meteors just waiting to make a crater out of Montana, we now learn that Britney Spears may be reproducing at an unsustainable rate. When can we expect a presidential address?

New Strongbad

Here's a pretty good Strongbad for those of you who might be into that sort of thing.

If you watched that, now watch this and tell me the Ninja isn't trying to imitate that. Turtle says the Ninja isn't Stronbadifying until the end. I think Turtle is dumb.

Actually, even if you've never heard of Strongbad, if you know anything about net neutrality, it will be amusing. And even if you don't know anything about *that*, it might provide a chuckle if your standards are low enough. And if you're reading this blog, they are.

Trailer Spoof

Here's a spoof of a movie trailer that has its funny parts. Starring Charlton Heston and Yul Brenner, "10 Things I Hate About Commandments".

Good Movie Trailer

I saw this trailer for the new Jennifer Aniston/Vince Vaughn movie "The Break-Up" that is pretty amusing. One particularly funny bit:

Aniston: "I think you're just a little embarrassed that Richard kicked your ass."

Vaughn: "There's a really big gap between getting your ass kicked and having a dancing, singing sprite fool you with trickery and then strike your throat before you know that you're even in a fight."

Looks like it might be worth a watch when it comes out.

Such Bravery, Such Commitment

Seven members of the Congressional Black Caucus were arrested when they refused to stop blocking the entrance to the Sudanese embassy in Washington. Quoth Rep. Mel Watt, the Caucus Chairman,

"We will not tolerate genocide. We are saying to Sudan this has got to stop."

All hail, Congressman Watt! I'm sure that stern tongue-lashing and brave bit of civil disobedience will do the trick. While it's true that by some accounts the current regime has already killed upwards of half a million people, this bold declaration that a small subset of the minority party of the US Congress is "not going to tolerate" these policies will surely bring the government to its knees!

What are these people willing to do? Stage sit ins? Convene a couple of Serious Meetings? A government that will willingly kill half a million of its own citizens isn't going to give a flying hoo ha about the "grave concerns" emanating from all of these Very Important Organizations and People. Queue a typically good column by Mark Steyn where he likens the situation in Dafur to the concern many express about Chinese domination over Tibet. He recognizes that there are kagillions of groups who organize themselves around the idea of that land rid of Communist oppression but while,

"[e]veryone's for a free Tibet...no one's for freeing Tibet."

Just so. It's great to really want something so badly you'd give up eating asparagus for a week to make it come true. It just rings a little hollow when you find out it will take a more than that and rather than doing more you pound your spoon on the table a little louder and maybe get arrested so you get to feel like you're *really* *doing* *something*.

Color me unimpressed.

Holy Shiite!

A funny video of an Imam who might have Od'd right before prayer time.

ht and headline shamelessly stolen from The Pod over at The Corner.

Really Cool Volcano Pics

Check these out (you'll have to scroll down.) They're from the currently-erupting volcano in Indonesia.

Road Signs

I'm guessing most of these are photoshopped but there are still some good ones among them.

WARNING: Many of them are crude. Turtle has forbidden me from posting any other kind.

Click here to be offended.

Hey there, hi there, ho there

Yeah, I've been away for a bit. I've started tutoring Algebra and Geometry and that's been taking up what time I had to blog. No tutees last night or tonight, though, so I have some time to get stuff done.

First, because Fark is so darned cool, we will open with one of their current headlines:

"If you have a sexual relationship with one of your students, don't draw attention to it by asking the principal if you can take her to prom"

Ahhhhhhhh, yes.

Deleted Post

I have deleted the most recent post to my blog after receiving the feedback below from someone purporting to be her parents (I didn't verify it because they didn't leave contact information but I don't have any reason to question its authenticity.) No further comment on this matter from this member of the peanut gallery (at least on this blog.)

The comments:

We appreciate your efforts to publicize our daughter, Zoe Hinkle’s, disagreement with the position held by her principal at Streams Elementary in Upper St. Clair. We have all learned very valuable lessons from the experience.

One of the most visible lessons is the ability of the media to take a story of somewhat limited mass appeal and create a firestorm of controversy. In reality, Zoe’s miniskirt “protest” was more about the loss of innocence than her choice of clothing.

There is no written dress code in the elementary schools of Upper St. Clair. The school district stated that such issues usually do not occur at this level (K through 4th Grade). Zoe’s principal, Dr. Miller, chose to create a policy and then chose to selectively enforce her perception of “appropriate”.

We continue to support our daughter’s stand and would like to clarify the justification for our belief. In today’s society, our children are forced to grow up rapidly. My wife and I feel that it is totally inappropriate that a figure of authority has the right to instill the perception upon a then 9 year old that she should think of herself in a sexual context. The reality of the world will come in due time and we, as parents of a teenager, are well armed to handle that certainty. We do not feel that it is the job of an elementary school principal to take it upon herself to decide when adolescents become young adults.

We are proud of our daughter’s courage. She took a stand against what she felt was unfair. We have no qualms with other parents’ decision not to allow their girls to participate. We do find troubling the impression of possible retribution toward the younger siblings of the potential participants. The mere thought of negative bias indicates the level of confidence in school administration.

Zoe has gained untold strength from the recent events. We have complete confidence in her growth as a positive role model. More importantly, within minutes of arriving home from Friday’s “protest”, she and another friend were doing what is “appropriate” for ten year olds; riding bikes and playing in the back yard. We only wish her principal could have kept things so simple.

Sincerely,

Craig & Leslie Hinkle

Upper St. Clair, PA

Feel Like Flinging A Little Poo?

Thought so.

BEHOLD! Super Monkey Poop Flinging.